True Fact: National Archive Specialists attest Abraham Lincoln wore saucy diaphanous Slinky-Garments when taking Selfies prior to his demise.
Hashers! Make certain you wear baggy pants to the next Hash, because we’re gonna have Erections! WooHoo!! It’s about goddam time! I’m telling you, it can not be September 13th soon enough!!!
Wait. Hang on a sec. Five Minute Layover is just handing me an instant message. “No, you dumbass!” it sez, “Erections, as in Elections! It’s our anal tradition to vote new miscreants into the roles of Mis-Management for the New Haven Hash House Harriers kennel so we may have fresh blood to torment at Circle!!”
“Oooohh,” sez me, nodding like a doddering old Hasher with a predilection for the simply-explained, while also enjoying the wordplay of her use of “anal” instead of “annual.”
Our next Hash is an important Hash, and not just because Hares Bleeding Gash and Back Tits McGee are laying live, but because we vote for those who will lead and be blamed for the direction our kennel goes over the next 12 months. You’ve all hashed, or at least you’re reading this because someone you tollerate Hashes and encouraged you to read this. And just like a-holes, you’ve all got an opinion on how you’d like this show run. Make your feelings known by voting, and you can’t vote if you don’t cum (Did you see that? I can do a little wordplay, too!).
This is important. This is our Hash. Please, take ownership. You only gotta do this once a year, and then it’s an On-In Beerfest for the next 12 months. Even if you only show up for a few Hashes a year, we want to hear from you. En serio.
And now, the Juicy Hash Details!
On-Out is at 1:00 PM HST. ONE O’CLOCK. Don’t cum late (damn, this inuendo talk just spews once you’ve gone to the Dark Side). Why 1:00? It’s been explained that “one” of the Hares needs to be somewhere by 6:30 PM on the same day as Erections, so the Hashing world, being kind and compassionate, will accomodate. Apparently, the Hare, who is not named Bleeding Gash, has “more important” places to be, and by “more important” I mean “Needs to be within 50 yards of the home transponder unit else the ankle bracelet alarms and Federales are summoned for yet another parole violation and requisite beat down.”
Also, On-Out is behind the Milford Library
. Trail is A to A. Maybe 4 miles, maybe 6. There’s talk of 20 percent Shiggy, but Hares are known to be full of shite. Beer on trail, debauchery, and oodles of cursing at the goddam Hares! Oh, and lies will be told, too, and TTT will most likely Shortcut! Or, she’ll simply auto-Hash with her Cop buddies.
Not strollerable, not dogable, but most certainly Hashable!
Hash Cash $5.00, cheap, and for godsake, wear new shoes.
Again, we care about you and what you idealize in our Hash. Show up and be known. Whether you win the vote or not, I assure you your voice will be heard. FML has been wonderful with her postings on the gigs up for Erection, but there’s so much more history to be gleened at Half-Mind.com
All Wisenheimerish aside, I thank you. Genuinely.
On on, and On-out,
Don’t You Dare Close Your Eyes