Goddam you, Hentai.
Yeah, I know it’s been more than a week since the last Hash and I’ve written bupkiss. Not word one. But I had an excuse, you see. I’m working two jobs, have been dancing off and on with a cruel an punishing head cold, and then it rained like a mutha a few times this week, and god knows no one writes when rain brings the relative humidity to near 100 percent because, well, it’s a law or something. I’m pretty sure of this, at least.
And then the hen-pecking voice of the aforementioned goddam Hentai got stuck in my head from a browbeating he issued at Drinking Practice Thursday night. Something about writing this up for all to see. I suspect he just forgot and needed a reminder of foolish things done or not done last Saturday. To silence him, and get this out of the way so I may write up the epic Hashing adventure that awaits us next Saturday I’m offering my version of the Hash, beginning now:
It was an epic Hash! Hare Tijuana Donkey Fluffer laid a fairly live trail at HammonASSet State Park near Madison on an unexpectedly clear and hot day (kind of an ideal beach day, I suppose, if we weren’t sweaty from Hashing and thirsting for refreshing beer).
Bleeding Gash called out lame for Fluffy’s trail, so Back Tits McGee grabbed the role of FRB from the get go. Also in the Kennel were the ever-annoying Don’tYouDare, Five Minute Layover, Face-Full of Leeroy, Virgin Will and Bethel guests Crabtree and Leapfrog. Oh yeah, and Hentai Me Down.
We Hashed through the park’s campground and hit an off-roadish trail on the park’s perimeter where our FRB nearly missed a Beer Quest 25 Check but wised up before a complete miss. He did. however, pick up on the on-out path from the Check which got us on our way with refreshing beverages in hand (Virgin Will manned up and wore TDF’s beer-holding backpack for the rest of the Hash).
Before moving on, though, DYD went down a potential trail looking for TDF’s marks only to claim later that he’s Smashmouthed a potential route and there was talk of incorporating this verbed noun into our Hashy vernacular, and only time will tell if it sticks.
Out of the park and away from the beach we Hashed, sometimes getting a little lost (good job, TDF!) and then risking our necks at a BVC highway crossing. DYD, FFoL, BTM and Virgin Will were a bit confused by the BVC marking. It wasn’t discussed at Chalk Talk, so we began to assume perhaps boobs or packages should be checked but in the end we decided to eff it and On-On our asses through traffic.
Note To The Hash: While it’s a great idea to assume any unknown Check mark is a call for boobs or dicks it’s probably a better idea to make sure your perilous crossing marks are discussed before sending Hashers to their potential death. Just sayin.
By this time I think we lost FML, and being good Hashers, we simply went on. I know, we’re kind of butt-wads.
An On The Foot was a welcome treat once we re-entered the park, although we weren’t really sure what the hell we were drinking. The hazards of Hashing, I know. We then Hashed toward the beach where, per TDF, we were to find crabs to present at Circle in hopes of a boozy prize.
Hentai, understanding wisely that Hashing on the beach was somewhat of a pain in the ass short-cutted to the On In when we weren’t looking (he’s sneaky that way, learning his short-cutting tricks from Tap That Teacher, in all likelihood).
With beach sand now embedded in all unpleasant crevacis we made it to the On-In. I have no idea who was DFL. Could have been Crabtree, but it was likely Crabtree. And there were only two crab offerings – One a teeny-tiny crabette and the other was just a claw. I think the one came from FFoL and the other from the Virgin.
I guess in hindsight, Hentai, I should have written this earlier when i might have remembered more of Circle. What I can remember is that booze for a crab was awarded to the Virgin, I think, but i don’t recall why. Also, our Bethel friends brought awesome songs to supplement our own, and DYD talked shit when he accused BTM for wallflowering almost immediately after Back Tits was in circle. Dammit!
Circle wound down and birthday girl FML began showing her mad cooking skilz. All was great in the Hashing world.
But Wait, There’s More! Just after circle Back Tits thought it would be a fine time for a dip in the Long Island Sound. On his way back, still dripping from the cold water, he dropped trou and yelled “Leeroy Jenkins,” running ass-naked around the picnic area, shocking Hashers and park tourists alike. As he’s taking a victory lap I look over to Hentai and FFoL in time to see them exchange glances that could only have meant “What the Eff have we gotten ourselves into?” Like true Leeroy warriors then stripped to ass-nakedness and joined in. Bravo, Leeroyers! Bravo!